I have now endured my second, and hopefully last photo shoot. Just as I suspected, this one was no more tolerable than the first. Admittedly, we did not commit any crimes, nor were we lectured by animal control, but it was traumatic nonetheless.
Our preparations began in earnest shortly after the phone call from Erik at Camp Bow Wow informing Momma that I had been picked as Camper of the Month and that I would need to have my picture taken. Upon hearing the news, her ears stood up nearly as tall as mine. She proudly proclaimed to everyone who would listen that “Lina has been chosen as Camper of the Month!” She was, of course, intimating that my pick as COTM was based on more than a random drawing (such as for best behaved or most popular or something). I only wonder how many of these Momma stuffed into the jar.
Anyway, based on Erik’s call, Momma phoned Patrick, the photographer, to set up the shoot. He would take a bunch of pictures of me and select an 11×16″ to be hung in the lobby of CBW for the month of September and give us a copy as a gift. During that phone call, Patrick asked what color I was, and upon Momma’s (proud that she knew) response, “red merle” (although she didn’t really know what merle meant), he suggested that Momma should therefore wear something dark. What??, she thought excitedly – would she be part of the photo shoot?? She hoped she had not misunderstood and planned to get camera-ready just in case.
The day of our appointment, Momma parsed through the thicket of outfits in her closets, looking for just the right one. She thought she would look best in her navy blue sweater, but also thought the little polo pony on the front would be distracting. Therefore, she threw in some backups just in case. This meant that she also had to throw in several pairs of coordinating slacks and shoes with which to complete her ensembles. By the time she was finished, it looked like she was leaving on another two week vacation.
Her wardrobe choices complete, Momma headed to her favorite salon for a blow out, telling her hairdresser to “make it all pouffy” as she had a photo shoot to do! $54.00 later Momma headed home to put the finishing touches on her makeup, and (almost as an afterthought) threw me in the car for our trip to the studio.
Upon arrival, Patrick told us that he would first do a series of pictures of me and then of both of us. This was not the order Momma preferred, but she had little choice but to go along. Welcome to my world.
The problem was that – probably as a result of the Naples fiasco – I don’t like to have my picture taken and I just couldn’t bring myself to look into the camera. Therefore, Patrick was forced to use all kinds of props and toys that crazily snapped, squeaked, rattled, honked and quacked, followed by a blinding flash of light and a loud pop.
Thinking at first that Trump had started World War III, I looked around wildly and tried to run away. Momma, however, bound and determined that I would have my picture taken for CBW, kept me in place until Patrick had a few good shots. Recognizing that I was nearly catatonic, though, and worried that I wouldn’t cooperate in the photos with her, Momma asked for a small break while I collected myself (she was pretty sure this was how the real models would phrase it). Since I didn’t spot any bunkers in the vicinity, I headed for the corner and hid behind a giant water dish.
After about five minutes Patrick informed us that we should continue. Momma, took a last look in the mirror, fluffed up her hair, applied some more lip color and pried me out of the corner.
I, however, had had enough and put my paw down on the entire affair. I scampered back to my hiding spot and waited for Momma to finish up with Patrick. She was naturally beyond crushed that she would not be included in any of the pictures (the adoring little dog looking pleased and content to be nestled in the lap of her well-groomed master), but she knew when she was licked.
Reluctantly Momma moved on to the photo selection portion of the shoot. She knew how these things worked. (“I’m no dummy, Lina — I know I’ll be expected to buy some pictures in addition to the free 11×16″.) In fact, she had already decided that she might get a nice one of the two of us, but that was obviously not possible now.
She did have a bewildering number of other options, though: 5×7″s, 8×10″s, 11×14″s, and more 11×16″s, all in different settings and background colors. There was also a framed grouping of three photos available (“everyone loves these,” Patrick urged). By the time we left, Momma was so stressed over the aborted photo shoot and overwhelmed by choices that she did not know what she had selected. She did know, however, that she had signed a credit card bill for $375.00. She couldn’t wait to find out how much it would cost to frame her free 11×16″.
This is Momma’s personal favorite ~
And here we are enduring Momma’s shameless promotion of me as COTM. All I can woof is two paws up for the great staff at Camp Bow Wow!
Lina, Still Shell Shocked