It’s a Real Live Wire

Dear Readers,

Well, we’ve taken delivery of the Tesla. Up until about a week before, Momma was still deluding herself into thinking she could just click a button to cancel her order and only be out her “downpayment” of $100. Then she paw-rused her agreement with Tesla and found it was a little more complicated and expensive than that. Shocker, I know.

So that was that. She now had little choice but to finish getting ready for the delivery. She hurriedly hired another electrician (number three? she really couldn’t remember) to complete the wiring for the Tesla Wall Connector and for the meter box to be placed on the wall outside the house so Dakota Electric could come by and install the meter (after the inspection by the city, of course). Would she ever be able to save enough money by using electricity to re “coupe” her costs, she wondered?

In any case, it’s ours now. Two cool-looking Tesla guys delivered the car last week, and one of them helped Momma get set up and explained all the features to her. And I know Momma — she was enjoying these guys and tried to act like she was really “with it” and understanding everything they said. (Not.) We were also joined by Nanny Becky and Uncle Tom, our EV support team, in case there was a melt down — literally or figuratively.

But some things about the car did stick in Momma’s mind. Like Santa Mode. You won’t believe this, but when you go to Toybox and click on the Santa button, the car plays Christmas music and becomes a sleigh on the screen (see photo right) and the other cars on the road become reindeer! (Clever, but couldn’t Mr. Musk have been a little more mindful of the Holidays of others? Just a thought.) And when you click on “Spread the Cheer,” the music plays from a speaker on the outside of the car as you drive through the ‘hood.

Oh, and when you put the blinker on in Santa Mode, it plays bells jingling! Take a listen . . .

As you can imagine, Momma was all lit up over this feature! I don’t think she knows how it works, though, because she says bells were still jingling later that night (no comment) when she opened the door to see if the car was still running. (Momma just can’t get used to the idea that she doesn’t have to “turn it off.”)

There were other unique features, too, like Boombox, where you could choose different horn honking sounds (La Cucaracha anyone?), Fart Mode (which Momma thought was childish), Caraoke (which she liked and embarrassingly tried out with Tesla guy in the car), Camp Mode (apparently in case you want to live in the car), and the aforementioned Dog Mode – the reason for this impulse purchase.

After Tesla guys left, Momma loaded up Nanny and Uncle Tom and me, and off we went for a little joy ride (I just hoped we wouldn’t run into one of the reindeer!). Momma was excited about all the fun gadgets and treated our neighbors to a little Christmas cheer and La Cucaracha. She also happily turned the blinker on and off to hear the bells — sometimes even when we were not turning. As you can see by the photo, I did not approve.

After we miraculously arrived home safely, Momma thought she would put our new plaything in the garage. There was only one teensy weensy little problem. She had forgotten to ask cool Tesla guys how to program the garage door opener to the car. (Actually, I’m pretty sure cool Tesla guys skedaddled before she could ask them about this item which, it turns out, costs an additional $325.) Long story short, Momma is now opening the door the old fashioned way — with a garage door opener clipped to the visor. She just hopes nobody spots it in her new space-age car.

There was literally an owners’ manual (online of course) full of information that Momma still did not understand — or even know about — when cool Tesla guys left, but she decided she would worry about it later. She had Santa Mode and Honk Mode and Caraoke Mode and Dog Mode, and she was pretty sure she could even drive the car, so it was all good. Here’s a picture of my driver and me posing with our new sleigh, er . . . car. Just for the record, I think I’d rather be going into space.

Lina – Unplugged


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