You won’t believe what happened today.  So we go to the vet in Florida and Momma is horrified when they weigh me and find I’ve gained another pound.  She knows that any hope she had of carrying me around like an accessory may soon be dashed.  It was quite another story, however, when the doctor told her that I was overweight and that she needed to cut back on my food.  Her mood brightened precipitously – not only was I growing more slowly than it seemed, but also she was going to be able to save money on my food!

Another reason Momma’s mood improved was because the doctor was kinda cute.  Although she tried to pretend she wasn’t interested, I saw all the signs.  She attempted to impress him with her knowledge of dogs and training even though I don’t think she could even tell you what breed I am.  She also pretended to know that dogs are supposed to get flea and heart worm medicine.  She practically took over my exam from him.  Next she attempted to show him her training skills by making me sit (I acted like I’d never heard the word before).  Then to prove how flush and generous she was, Momma asked about personal trainers, doggy day care and overnight boarding.  Finally – and this was the worst – when he showed us the boarding area she asked if he had any private suites!  As though money was no object where I was concerned!

Her little charade came to a screeching halt though when she went to pay.  Her credit card was declined (and this after acting like she was one of the Kardashians).  “There must be some mistake,” Momma sniffed and demanded that they run her card again.  After giving it another try, the lady announced – with some glee I think – that the card had once again been denied.  By now we had the attention of everyone in the waiting room and I was cowering under the counter.  Finally, Momma was reduced to writing a check so we could leave.  If I had a tail, it would have been between my legs.

After that, Momma stopped at the Dollar Store for a little shopping – for me of course.  She wanted to buy some measuring cups to make sure I didn’t get even one extra morsel of food on my new “diet.”  She also wanted to try her credit card again – she was pretty sure that the vet’s office was inept.  Imagine her horror when the card was once again declined!  Now she had a whole new group of spectators watching her with derision.  Luckily for me, she left me in the car and luckily for her, she had a dollar in cash.

Unfortunately, we have to go back to the vet tomorrow for another shot.  I’m already dreading it – she will really be putting on the dog.

Lina, Lying Low

WOOFDA!