Millie’s Book

The other day I was roaming around looking for something to do when I came across Momma watching Barbara Bush’s funeral on TV.  She was totally engrossed in the service, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.  I could sense this meant a lot to Momma, so without even being asked, I got in the down position and watched it with her.

Now, as many of you know, I’m not a Republican, but by the end of the program, I was a big Bar (as those of us in the know call her) fan.  She was the pillar of her family, being both fierce and loving.  Best of all though, Bar loved books and she loved dogs.  In fact, her dog, Millie, had written a book back in 1990 which Bar had edited.

Despite my new found fondness and respect for Bar (and Millie), I have to admit I was a little jealous – and resentful – because I thought was the original dog author.  If this was the same type of book (a whip-smart dog telling tails on her human and others with amazing wit and charm), I had competition.  And look at all the free publicity Millie had just gotten!

Momma was not exactly thrilled to hear the news either – she knew how difficult it was to get the word out about books.  For example, she had been trying forever to get Dana Perino to give Lina Unleashed a shoutout on “The Five” by tweeting solicitous comments about her dog, Jasper.  It hadn’t worked and she was now officially mad at Dana.  Maybe I can make a Democrat out of Momma yet.

Anyway, Momma and I were curious – and anxious – enough about Millie’s book to do some research.  After all, we didn’t want Millie to get all the glory – or all the sales!  Maybe the book wasn’t all it was cracked up (or open) to be.  In fact, we had both swung into full competitive mode!

First, Momma Googled Millie’s book and learned it was called, Millie’s Book.  (“Well, right there, Lina, you are a leg up on her.  I don’t think you would be an INDIE award finalist if you had simply called your book, Lina’s Book.“)  Speaking of which, I wonder if Millie’s Book won any awards.  Just woofin’!

Momma knew you couldn’t just judge a book by the cover, however, and she really did want to read Millie’s Book to see if (in her expert opinion), it was any good.  However, she balked when she saw the price!   The least expensive copy was $59.21 – and it was used – and probably all dog-eared.  Then she saw that the more expensive copies (they ranged all the way up to $993.33) were signed by both Barbara and Millie (“with a little fake blue paw print, Lina”).  For my part, I wondered why did Barbara sign the book if Millie was the true author?   Did Barbara perhaps collude with her to write the book?  Were the Russians involved?

Momma did read about Millie’s Book on Amazon, though, and learned that it was about Millie brushing elbows, uh, legs (as they cleverly put it) with heads of state and royalty.  Okay, granted that might be impressive, but could it really be more exciting than struggling to stay alive living with Momma?  Did Millie have to undergo horrific medical procedures every other day just so Barbara could visit a hunky vet?  Did she get dragged (illegally) across the beach to the Gulf of Mexico under cover of night?  Almost get arrested for trespassing on a vacant lot in Naples?  Speaking of which, did Millie have her own attorney on retainer like I do?  I think not.  So you be the judge of which doggie book might be more entertaining.

Just remember – you can still get my book for only $16.95!  There will be no insanely high upcharge for my pawdograph.  And – we are philanthropists, just like the Bushes – part of the proceeds will be donated to the Animal Humane Society!


With my acclaimed first book and working on a sequel …

Lina, Fiercely Defending My Territory!


Pawscript:  I think Momma is going to “bite” the bullet and buy Millie’s Bookno matter how much it costs or who wrote it!


8 thoughts on “Millie’s Book

  1. Mmm, I’m getting a bit jealous of your fame and fortune, Lina. Do you get to keep all your profits? I’ve seen a couple of spiffy fashionable doggy websites if you want to do some fun shopping.

    Woof me a tweet when you can fit me in for a play date!
    Your friend,


  2. Apparently, one thing all great canine authors have in common is a Republican Momma. Coincidence? I think not!

    Millie recounts an incident in her book that I think would have Lina wagging (if she had a tail) with approval. When Millie was named “Ugliest Dog” in the July 1989 issue of Washingtonian Magazine (a particularly cruel example of uncivilized political discourse, if you ask me), Millie says that President Bush told her to “shake it off.” Well woofed, 41!


  3. Dear Uncle Chuck,
    Love that you put me in the great canine author category with Millie! And I do have to give Momma credit – she provides a lot of material for my blog and books.
    I just may have to use that phrase, “shake it off,” in one of my posts. Could you check that out – could it be construed as plagiarism?
    Your client,


    • Dear Chère Nièce Lina,

      I believe “shake it off” falls within the public domain, so you’re good to go.

      Uncle Chuck


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