Dear Readers, I could take it or leave it but Momma has always been a big fan of the space program. One might even call her a space cadet. In high school she gave a speech about the disastrous fire that killed three astronauts on a launch pad. She also attended a ticker tape parade in 1969 with Astronauts Armstrong, Collins and Aldrin celebrating the first moon landing. A few years later, she and a former husband toured Cape Canaveral. She even flew to Orlando in May of 2011 to watch the liftoff of one of the last shuttle flights ever at nearby Merritt Island.
Here’s a video of the Discovery launch. Even I have to admit this was kinda pawsome.
I bring this up now because last week we watched Jeff Bezos, his brother, the rich Netherlands kid and Wally Funk, the eighty-two year old female space pioneer, blast into space in a Bezos’ Blue Origins spacecraft. Momma was so moved, she cried — both at liftoff (she digs the T minus countdown thing), and at landing. (“I just love American ingenuity, Lina!”) It was a bit of a yawn for me actually — a billionaire who spent a fortune so he could have a ten minute joy ride into space? And why did he come back to earth as Hopalong Cassidy?
Momma had a different take, however. She had no reservations about the space program and loved the idea of a space ride! In fact, thought Momma, if Ms. Funk (at her age) could journey to space, she could, too. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to be an “astronaut!” And she wouldn’t even have to wear one of those old-fashioned bulky and unflattering space suits. No, she would wear a custom-made cool blue flight suit like Bezos! She knew becoming a passenger was a long (space) shot, but you never get anywhere without asking, she reasoned. She would fill out an application for a space ride (not that there was such a thing), but she would craft one, and “blast” it off. And to improve her chances, she would send it to all the space-minded billionaires: Bezos, Musk and Branson. (Momma felt — delusionally — that she had an “in” with all of them: She was a Prime member on Amazon, she had driven a Tesla once, and she had even been in a Branson resort overseas — although admittedly only to use the bathroom — but Richard didn’t need to know that.)
As Momma considered her chances, though, she knew she needed something to distinguish her from all the others that might be “applying.” And that’s when inspawration struck — she would bring me! I would be the first ever emotional support dog in space! And Momma was pretty sure she wouldn’t need a doctor’s excuse to bring me along (although not hard to get in our case I’m sure). She decided she would, however, need a “winning” photo or two of me to send with the application, so she jumped on Amazon (she would mention this to Jeff in the application) to shop for a doggie spacesuit. Here I am all geared up. What do you think? Will these do the trick?
All I can woof is they better have doggie treats in space.
Lina, God Speed