Recently Momma hosted a fundraiser at our house for Republican Congressman Jason Lewis. Her co-host was former Congressman John Kline (and I was an unofficial co-host as will become clear as you read on). This had long been in the works, but the profile of the event was ratcheted up a notch when the campaign announced that House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy would be joining us to support Lewis. Momma was quite tickled with this news, but also quite nervous. She really wanted this event to go off without a hitch.
Among the problems she had to consider was me. At one point she asked – and Nanny agreed – to take me for the evening. I was doing back flips over that idea – I love Nanny and would have done anything to avoid all those Republicans. Unfortunately, though, Momma decided it wouldn’t hurt to have me around (“maybe you’ll learn something, Lina”) and even found a little patriotic scarf for me to sport. Luckily it was blue.
So anyway, the campaign team arrived about half an hour before the event was to begin. The group included Congressman Lewis’s staff and professional photographer, Jana Noonan (jananoononphotography.com). Predictably, a light (flash) bulb went off in Momma’s head the moment she saw Jana and her giant camera, and Momma cajoled her into taking a few photos of us – pre Republican soiree. (“Lina will pawdograph a book for you, Jana!”) Here we are – apparently Jana knows how to airbrush, too. Just woofin’.
Soon thereafter, two buff men wearing suits, serious expressions and ear pieces showed up and started scoping out the place. When Momma saw them (“I never could resist a man in uniform, Lina”), she almost tripped over me rushing to introduce herself as the host. They eyed her – and me – up carefully and said they were the security detail for Congressman McCarthy. Apparently, satisfied that we were not any kind of threat (although they did take a close second look at me!), the police moved on to surveil the rest of the house. As luck would have it, I got to know them a lot better before the evening was over.
The “party” got rolling at about 5:30 and pretty soon the house was bustling with right-wing lunatics . . . er, guests. Since the Majority Leader was late, they had plenty of time to visit and enjoy the food and wine – and me. At first, Momma let me roam freely, even after Congressman McCarthy arrived. She also included me in her official picture with him and Congressman Lewis ~
Disclaimer: This photo of me was taken under duress and does not in any way indicate that I support their extreme right-wing agenda.
Just when I got my hopes up that I might get to stay for the party – and scarf up all the food I found on the floor (boy those Rs are wasteful – haven’t they heard of sustainability?), Momma whisked me off to her bedroom. “I can’t afford to have any disruptions tonight, Lina.”
Now as you may know, I am pretty much accustomed to being the center of attention, so I was not happy with this turn of events. In fact, I was so not happy that I began to whimper – kind of loudly. Momma ignored me as she had just kicked off the “program,” and the esteemed members of congress were about to pawntificate.
One of Momma’s friends, however did not ignore me. Lori is a real dog lover and decided to give me a little break. First she took me outside for potty – and (Lori was totally thinking of herself here) a little visit with the security police. If I do woof so myself, it didn’t take this little Aussie long to “disarm” them! Here I am giving them some of my irresistible face licks!
Then Lori, in a teeny tiny bit of bad judgment, decided that I should join the party, and turned me loose! Momma didn’t notice me at first, and I was able to vacuum up a few bits of food from the plates on the floor. When she finally did spot me, I narrowly escaped her grasp and headed for the front of the room where Representative McCarthy was in the middle of a moving speech about the good old USA. Although “Kevin,” as I like to think of him now, made it sound like no big deal and graciously said, “It’s okay, I like dogs,” Momma was horrified at this interruption of her carefully staged evening – and furious with Lori.
Well, it turns out that Kevin has an Australian Shepherd, too, and really does love dogs! (And I have to admit that, for an R, he’s not half bad!) In fact by the end of the evening, Momma and he were comparing pictures of me and his dog, Mac, slurping up Puppuccinos! Momma was so pleased, she even semi-forgave Lori. And, yes, House Majority Leader McCarthy went home with a pawdographed copy of Lina Unleashed, too.
What can I woof? Just another chapter in my never-dull life with Momma (and in my next book). Stay tuned.
Lina, Party Crasher!