Yippee – DOG TV!

Well, believe it or not, Momma figured out how to get the DOG TV channel. Our setup isn’t perfect yet (it’s hard to explain but we can only access it on one TV and have no idea what the channel number is), but so far Momma is in no frame of mind to call the provider back. In the meantime, though, I have to tell you that I love it! DOG TV is joyful, playful and calming — three things that I really need in my life these days.

Here’s how it played out.

Last Sunday, Momma decided that, no matter what, she would get a dog channel for us. After a bit of research, Momma settled on DOG TV. Not only did she think it had the best programming, but also it was available for purchase on our cable network and, most importantly, she had the phone number. Now you should know that Momma does not have the best relationship with our cable provider, and I often hear her saying things like, “I’d rather eat glass than call them again.” She invariably ends up in a rage, and it takes a while (and maybe some meds) before she can function “normally” again. She does need to call them occasionally, though, and that is my signal to go into hiding. Today would be no exception.

After calling the number on the bill and listening to their never-ending spiel about recording the call (one of the reasons Momma semi-behaved herself), their privacy practices, checking their website and a commercial about upcoming programming, Momma finally pushed enough buttons to connect with a live person. She told him she wanted DOG TV. He told her that the department she reached couldn’t help her, that she must call the provider’s “helpline.” Things were off to their usual start with said provider.

Momma dutifully called the number given her, and after enduring their messages again, was finally given her options: did she need help with tech support? billing? a recent order? status about an order? or did she want to update her pin? She had a pin? While Momma was wildly trying to decide which one to select, the call got disconnected. Time for me to find my safe spot.

Trying to keep her anger in check, Momma called back, and after screaming “representative” into the phone a few times, was finally connected with another person. And Momma liked that person — I’ll call her Kelly — she had a dog who loved DOG TV. DOG TV was a good choice because it was for both dogs and humans, said Kelly.

And best of all — it was only about $5.00 per month, it would be accessible on all of our TVs (living room, bedroom, kitchen), and she would set it up for us. Kelly said she’d send us an email with instructions and we’d be watching DOG TV in about fifteen minutes.

Momma was so pleased, she almost cried. That was until she read Kelly’s email and it said that a technician would be at our house between 2:00 and 4:00p on December 2 (ten days hence) to install our new equipment! New equipment? December 2?

Momma was apoplectic. When she finally got another agent on the line to help (after being passed along twice), she had renewed hope. After a long explanation about what had transpired, the new rep, I’ll call her Jenny, said that she could add DOG TV to our service without any new equipment. Even I have to wonder here if the right paw knows what the left paw is doing. Just woofin’.

First, Jenny sent Momma into the living room to turn on the television. Success. Next she gave Momma a couple of channels to try to see if they could find the on-demand channel that carried DOG TV.

One can never have too many remotes . . .

They could not. Next Jenny instructed Momma to say “DOG TV” into the microphone on the remote. This didn’t work either because Momma repeatedly said “DOG TV” into the wrong remote. It was actually quite comical, but I held my tongue. When Momma finally found the right one (“Who knew, Lina, that there was such a thing?”) she held down the mic button and shouted “DOG TV” as though the remote was hard of hearing, and voilá — there was our channel!

The only drawback? As I mentioned above, we can only access it on the TV with the remote that listens. The channel number remains a mystery. And here’s the real bite: Jenny promised to figure it out and call Momma. We are still waiting. And, Momma? “I’d rather eat glass, Lina.”

Nevertheless, we have DOG TV, and I am a big fan. They play tinkly and playful music, and show doggies and their humans running, playing ball and swimming. Birds chirp and streams burble in the background. Some of the music actually puts me to sleep (now I suppose Momma will try to use the channel as a sitter)! Here I am enjoying some of my favorite new programs.

I just wonder if DOG TV could use a good looking little Toy Aussie? I know I have the chops for it!

Lina, Ready to Audition


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